Seriously? What is wrong with people.

Ok. So  I know I'm vegan and I work at The Fat Factory- but I have to. There's only 1 f*cking Vegan cafe in Sacramento and they're fully staffed. (And obviously I'm only qualified to work in restaurants because I'm too f*cking lazy to get a 'real' job). ANYWAY. I've decided the only way to vent my rage and not take it out on my co-workers is by blogging about it. Although I usually give up on most blogs I start- I can honestly say I'm most 'enthusiastic' about this one. So here goes....

1. If you come to The Fat Factory, but you're "watching your weight..." DO NOT ASK ME TO REFILL YOUR DIET COKE SIX TIMES (pretty sure the defeats the purpose of a diet). Also, don't order a 'weight management' salad then proceed to ask for 3 sides of ranch dressing. GROSS.

2. I LOVE large parties. If you can get at least one person to order an alcoholic beverage the entire table will fall under 'peer pressure' and you've got instant happiness all around. BUT if you happen to be a large party that's all about pinching pennies- we're gonna have some problems. This is the Fat Factory- you come here to eat, get fat, and then eat some more. DO NOT ORDER 1 APPETIZER AND 1 PIECE OF CHEESECAKE FOR A PARTY OF 10 AND EXPECT A SERVER TO LIKE YOU. Just don't do it. It's wrong and it's retarded. Sure, we offer complementary bread- but 12 baskets later? Really? It's bread. It's not magical, IT'S NOT CHOCOLATE, and you're basically costing me money at this point.

3. See those bussers over there? The ones that are super cute, super fast, and super mexican? Yeah, I have to TIP them. Which means you have to TIP ME SO THAT I CAN TIP THEM. Get it? No, I don't think you do. Let me just break it down for those of you that are slow. At the Fat Factory (and most restaurants) servers must tip out other parts of the support staff such as Bussers, Food Runners, Bartenders etc... What you leave for us gets divided and disbursed based on percentages.

Let's make it easy- Your bill is $100. You tip the server a MIGHTY $10. (10% for those of you that are.. yeah) Well, of that $100 your server is required to give a "3%" tip to the support staff. So, if you leave us a GIGANTIC 10% tip, we only receive 7% of it. That's $7 for those of you that don't speak math.

Now, let's say you're a normal person who goes out to eat on a somewhat regular basis and you've somehow been educated on proper tipping procedures.

Your bill is $100. You tip the server the proper 20% for excellent service (which like, I totally always give, duhhhh). The server will then tip out 3%/$3 and get to keep the $17. $17 is a totally awesome tip and the server WILL NOT curse your name as you leave the restaurant. I repeat- the server WILL NOT curse your name.

Honestly people, is it that hard? Service staff have to work long hard hours all day every day. Usually they're just putting themselves through college or trying to get by during their divorce. Yes, some wait staff are totally rude and waaaayyy to old to be doing this job- but just give em' a proper tip. Add a couple zero's, commas, colons, whatever. They come into work (because of you) every day just aiming to please- and what do you do? You stiff them, short them, and wave your arms in the air like a damn two year old who needs a refill.


One more thing-  print this out and carry it around with you like it's a free pass to Disney Land.